I have Confidence in Sunshine but that's about it.

This probably won't come as a surprise but, I have issues with my confidence.  I often find myself wishing that I looked like someone else, acted like someone else, or even had someone else's confidence.  I know I am not alone and that there are hundreds of people that feel the same way I do.

So much energy is put into telling people to love themselves, be themselves and that everyone is beautiful but all that effort can't compete with the alternative messages that people need fixing.

Now there are certain situations when I do have confidence.  When I stand in front of a classroom, I know I am the boss.  I can teach students all about theatre and have no issues feeling like I belong up there.  When I am lecturing, I own the classroom.

The big question for me is why the confidence I have in the classroom can't roll over into my everyday life.  Why is it that when walking down the street I don't feel like I own the street? Why is it when I read a magazine I can't just read the magazine? Why is it that I compare myself to the images of the women and then place a value judgement on both myself and the women in the pictures?  I am sure that these are all questions many women and men have asked themselves and are still looking for answers to.

As some of you may know, I have tried to lose weight in the past saying that it I wanted to be healthier, when really I just wanted to be skinnier.  Being healthy is important but waking up everyday and stepping on the scale is not healthy behavior.  I want to be healthy but I also want to really love myself before I change myself.  I want to eat a piece of cake and not worry that it isn't a piece of celery.  I want to exude confidence, eat cake and be healthy.

Maybe writing this post and reading things like this will help.

So umm...yea...

Alright, so blogging for a month straight didn't go so well.

It has been a busy winter break for me.  I spent a week traveling Texas (so much traveling) and visiting family.  During that week I got proposed to by my now fiance and ended it by driving 10 hours from Junction, Texas back home to Baton Rouge.

With limited internet access and lots of fun to be had, I didn't get a lot of writing done.

So, instead of making up another promise to post for another amount of days, I am just gonna write when I want to.  DEAL WITH IT!

Also, Happy New Year and stuff.

Novel Novels

So yesterday I blogged about the top ten novels that stayed with me over the years.  For today's post I thought I would create a list of ten novels that I want to read or feel like I should read because of peer pressure.

1.  The Hobbit and The Rings- J.R.R. Tolkien
            While the movies were moving, I think that the books are probably better.


2. Gone With The Wind- Margaret Mitchell
            Again, this was a spectacular movie but I have heard that so much was left out; and it is no wonder considering how large that book is.

3. The Rest of the Enders Game series- Orson Scott Card
           Setting Card's politics aside, I really enjoyed Ender's Game and would like to see where the story went.

4. The Jungle- Upton Sinclair
            I have heard it is rather disgusting.  That is about it.

5. Jurassic Park- Michael Crichton
             I am pretty sure I tried to read this in middle school but stopped halfway.  I don't remember why.

6. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy- Douglas Adams
              I have been told over and over again that this book is something I HAVE to read.

7. Anna Karenina- Leo Tolstoy
             Seems like a classic that might be worth the very long read.

8. Les Miserables- Victor Hugo
            I don't think this will be a page turner but, it has to be better than the movie.

9.The Fault in Our Stars- John Green
            This is the hottest thing in Y.A. right now.  I also really like the vlogbrothers so I think I should give his writing a shot.

10. The Bible- Lots of People.
             I don't mean to be flippant or offensive by calling the Bible a novel.  In high school we read a book called The Bible as in Literature" and I enjoyed it because there are some pretty interesting stories.  I also feel that as an academic in a liberal arts based field, I often run into Biblical references that I have no understanding of because I have never read the Bible.

So that is my list.  It will probably take me a while to work through it.  If you have any other recommendations, let me know.

Justify My Book Loves

Earlier today I posted this on facebook:

 in no particular order, here are ten novels that stayed with me:
1. Matilda - Roald Dahl2. Mockingjay- Suzanne Collins 3. The Gate to Women's Country- Sherri S. Tepper4. Outlander- Diana Gabaldon 5. The Handmaid's Tale- Margaret Atwood6. Naked in Death- J.D. Robb7. Emma- Jane Austen8. Fahrenheit 451- Ray Bradbury9. The Scarlet Pimpernel- Baroness Emma Orzcy10. My Name Is Asher Lev- Chaim Potok

For today's post, I thought I would go into a little more detail about my choices. 

1. Matilda - Roald Dahl
      This  is the first novel that I made the decision to read.  I read a lot of books when I was younger but Matilda was the first really long novel that I picked out to read from my middle school library.  To be honest, I picked it because it gave me the most points in this reading program thing our school had but, I also really enjoyed the book.

2. Mockingjay- Suzanne Collins 
     This is the final book in the Hunger Games series.  I remember reading the end of this book (don't worry, no spoilers) and feeling very sad because a lot of sad things happen.  I explained the ending to my mom and she told me that it sounded like the story ended in the best way possible.  She was right.  It was a great ending to a great series.  

3. The Gate to Women's Country- Sherri S. Tepper
     I read this book after my mom loaned me her copy.  Man is this a good read.  I finished it in two days and was blown away.  There is a twist at the end that you will never see coming.  This book really seemed like my first "grown-up" feminist book. If you like dystopian science-fiction with a feminist bent, I highly recommend this book. 

4. Outlander- Diana Gabaldon 
     This is another book that I read because my mom put it in my hands.  It is becoming a television series on STARZ and I am simultaneously excited and hesitant about it. I think that this entire series has a lot of potential to become a beautiful series.  However, it is a series that I have fell so much in love with that I am pretty sure the show will not be able to match what I have created inside my head.  

5. The Handmaid's Tale- Margaret Atwood
      I don't remember who told me to read this book so it was probably my mom.  This has a similar feel to The Gate to Women's Country in its dystopian, feminist and science-fiction qualities. This story frightened me and still frightens me when I think about how everyday it becomes less a story of fiction. 

6. Naked in Death- J.D. Robb
      Do you like murder mysteries? Do you like tough, crime solving women who wear boots and kick ass? Then this is a series for you.  Nora Roberts/J.D. Robb has written so many of these books it is hard to keep track.  Naked in Death is the first book in a very long series. What is great about this series is that you get murder mystery, with romance, with one kick ass chick.  Again, this was a book that my mom gave me to read and as you can see, I pretty much read what she tells me.  This is one of the first books I read that had a female protagonist that was smart, strong, and proactive.  After reading these books I wanted to be Eve Dallas.

7. Emma- Jane Austen
      I know that Pride and Prejudice is supposed to be the Jane Austen novel but, I loved Emma. Yes, there is the connection to Clueless but it is also just this wonderful story of a delightful young woman who is looking for love.  It also is not as angsty as some of Austen's other works. 

8. Fahrenheit 451- Ray Bradbury
     Free speech, man!  I think this is one of the first "assigned" books that I read and actually enjoyed.  I'm pretty sure I read it in high school but I can't remember when. This novel taught me that books, are dangerous because they can change the world. That the written word has more value than the spoken and, that as powerful as books are, people can destroy that power. 

9. The Scarlet Pimpernel- Baroness Emma Orzcy
     I had to read this novel, along with other books, over the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of high school.  This was my favorite book to read that Summer.  It was a really great historical fiction/adventure/romance novel. It is also amazing because it was written by a Baroness! How awesome is that?  I loved the characters so much that I ended up writing my final essay of the year about this novel.  

10. My Name Is Asher Lev- Chaim Potok
      This was another novel I read my sophomore year in high school.  It is on this list because it is a novel that I never would have read on my own.  Also, it, and my English teacher, introduced me to Jewish culture.  I learned what keeping kosher was all about, and ate some unleavened bread/crackers while reading this book.  The story is good but it is also just another story about a young confused boy seeking help from a father figure and art.  This book is with me because when I look back on it, it was one of the first instances in which I practiced "performance as research" in a classroom.  "Don't know anything about Jewish culture, well let's do some Jewish stuff and then you will have a better understanding when you read this book about a Jewish kid." Alright, then.

Obviously, there are so many more novels I can think of to add to this list but, I was limited. Also, while these are all great stories, some of the reasons they are on this list is not just because they are fantastic books. The circumstances surrounding my reading of the novels contributed a lot to my decisions. 

I think that tomorrow, I will write a post about the 10 novels that I haven't read but know I "need" to.

What are your top ten novels? I am always looking for a good book recommendation. 

What's Up With You and Nail Art?

I did not start taking care of my nails until I was a senior in college.  Up until that point I was a nail biter and had been a nail biter for 20 years.  As I have been told, I started to bite my nails at a very young age because my neighbor friend bit her nails and I wanted to be like her.  

So, for 20 years my nails were a short, painful wreck. In high school I hopped on the Solar Nail express train but eventually that got to expensive to maintain and wrecked my nails.  Then my life changed when I was introduced to the magic of nail polish and nail art.  Doing my nails became a way for me to take my mind off the stresses of the day and the end result was always pretty.  

I don't know if you know this but on your hands there are ten tiny canvases. Those canvases are spaces for you to express yourself.  

You can go for a subtle nail ombre in pink. 

Or perhaps a little sparkle.

Happy Holidays!

What about your toes?

Maybe just sketch a little.

Pandas are always adorable. Especially on your nails. 

Don't forget to show off your fandom.  (Star Wars)

As you can see, nail art is a big part of my life.  I like to think that I have actually improved other peoples lives through nail art either by encouraging them to practice nail art or made them happy with my poorly drawn Storm Troopers.

My nail polish collection has grown quite a lot over the years and I have learned a lot about what makes a nail polish good quality. 

My Nail Polis Collection

Amateur tip: some inexpensive nail polish brands are actually good quality. Most of Sally Hansen's stuff is good.  If you are looking at higher end brands, OPI is one of my top favorites.  Color Club is a good brand if you are into bright colors.  

In addition to regular nail polish, I just started doing my own gel manicures using the Sally Hansen Gel Manicure Kit.

Gel manicures started in professional salons.  They can last for 2 weeks and involve the use of special nail polish and an LED lamp.  The startup cost can be a little more expensive, my kit cost me $50 at Bed Bath and Beyond; but the results are pretty awesome.  The polish is cured under the LED lamp and is dry to the touch after the final 30 second curing period.  

The best part about gel manicures is that I can paint whatever nail art I want to on my nails, cure it and then not have to worry about all my hard work chipping off 3 days later.  

Painting my nails has given me something that allows me to feel productive without feeling stressed. So whether you like it or think it is a waste of time, it is my waste of time. 

Any more questions?

What is Post-Performenist?

I am glad you asked.

Post-Performenist is a blog that will talk, about, performance, theatre, feminism, pop culture, books, nail art, graduate school, life and so on.

This is a place for thoughts and counter thoughts on all things, postmodern, performance, and feminist; thus, Post-Performenist.

I am challenging myself for the first month that this blog is up to post one blog entry every day.  I did this a year ago and it was hard and some days it was a pain but, it was fun pushing myself to write everyday.

So, with Winter break upon me, and some free time on my hands, I said to Kevin, "I am going to start a new blog."

And I did.

If you have any suggestions on topics of discussion or just want to say hi, please do so in the comments!